there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
