The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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