I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
