what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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