i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
