and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
