i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
