Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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