Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
