I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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