just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So vagazzling was a success
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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