I got chris browned last night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
