Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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