The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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