screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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