I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
