3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
