it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize