Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize