Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
