he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Alive.
So much puke
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
