This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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