Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
