god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
