Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
