I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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