Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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