you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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