how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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