whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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