Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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