Buhtt sex?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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