you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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