Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
