Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
only you would photoshop your dick
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
