So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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