did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
