Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
