is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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