there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
