Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
