I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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