happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry about my life...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
