So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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