Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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