it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
