dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
