....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
