I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
