i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
