I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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