Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
