just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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