Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
