Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
