Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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