I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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