I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize