ADVERTISEMENT

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized

  (914): View more from New York

  No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."

  Fav 23 3550 1062

  share tweet
  

• (623): View more from Arizona

  Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.

  Fav 17 1344 3536

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"

  Fav 9 1547 6707

  share tweet
  

• (573): View more from Missouri

  They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.

  Fav 5 3707 1001

  share tweet
  

• (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.

  Fav 18 1747 6814

  share tweet
  

• (925): View more from California

  you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed

  Fav 11 1269 1975

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (604): View more from British Columbia

  The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.

  Fav 8 1990 830

  share tweet
  

• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"

  Fav 0 1145 551

  share tweet
  

• (408): View more from California

  Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.

  Fav 5 1319 706

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.

  Fav 2 672 359

  share tweet
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders

  Fav 0 137 87

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (503): View more from Oregon

  So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.

  Fav 0 90 9

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  at this point I think you're judging my taste in men

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I swear I'm not

  (503): View more from Oregon

  It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men

  Fav 0 31 24

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing

  Fav 0 39 8

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (540): View more from Virginia

  You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina

  Fav 0 76 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize