I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
