I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
