Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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