Don't make out with my wife yet
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
