im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
