Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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