mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
