New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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