Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
