margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize