I am puke
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
