I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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