I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
