My cat gives me a boner
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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