It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
