one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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