I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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