I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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