I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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