So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
