its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
this hospital has no fireball
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
