I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
