So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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