In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
