32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
