I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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