I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize