There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
