well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm like, not good at living.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
