I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
