I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
