I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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