Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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