So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize