I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
