Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
