Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
