He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
