and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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