You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
