so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
