dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
