i was born a porn star she said
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
