thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
