What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
