so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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