It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
