Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
