i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
