Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
