My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
