so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
