you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
the raccoons are back...
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