we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
